Alan Duong

On my way into the box this morning, I got stuck at the crosswalk while trying to make a left turn because the guy in front of me wasn’t paying attention. Suddenly, I heard a THUMP. I realized a pedestrian pounded the roof of my car as he walked by. Obviously he was mad I was blocking his path. Instantly, I filled with rage. I imagined myself exploding out and charging the guy like a linebacker. There’s something about a guy and his car. You don’t touch his car. I know that sounds immature but we’re very protective of our toys. On a deeper level, it’s a respect / territory thing. But it was more than that. As I waited at the light, staring at him crossing the road and imagining myself running over him, I asked myself why I was so angry, why I wanted to hurt this person.

When I was in high school, I had this sparkling little canary yellow Honda CRX. One day, I was driving through a construction zone, probably a little too fast. As I cruised passed a burly construction worker holding a “STOP” sign, he smacked my car with it. I immediately stopped and rolled my window down. He came marching toward my window and said “Learn how to drive. Why don’t you go back to your own country”. He was probably in his early 40’s. I was 17. I think if I had gotten out of my car, he would have fought me. Today, I’m 38 and I think to myself, what would a 17 year old kid have to do to make me want to get physical with him. I felt bullied and violated, but also trapped. I wouldn’t have won this fight so I stayed in my car and drove away feeling defeated.

This was the trigger. It was what made me so angry when that guy thumped my car this morning. I was left with a choice. I could use this incident as a trigger to unleash something from my past that I may not have resolved. If I had gotten out of my car, I think I would have hurt him. I’m sure he would have hurt me too. But I’m not 17 anymore. I can throw a punch. Or, I could catch his negative energy and stop the cycle.

I chose to catch. If I didn’t, I couldn’t preach peace with you guys. But more importantly, I wouldn’t have liked myself afterwards. As I drove away, I instantly worked on forgiving him. I thought if he is this angry and impatient, it has to show in his relationships. I thought about what those relationships would look like. I imagined that he probably wasn’t happy. I started to feel sorry for him. It made the forgiveness process easier.

I refuse to carry other people’s “stuff”. I think if more people did this, more cycles would be broken. The gift of this incident is that it reminded me that I still have emotional residue from being bullied in the past and it still effects me today.

- Angry